[uncramping the writer's block: three short pieces]

1.
The soldier who'd just been shot crumpled backwards in his dead fatigues, his head exploding like a ripe mango. Some hours later, his skull was a mango seed, short tufts of fibrous hair stuck to it, the rest (brains scalp lips nose earlobes fatty cheeks and those delicacies, his eyes) pecked clean by carrion crows the way sparrows peck at a fallen mango. Like a seed it came to rest in fecund blood-fed soil, furrowed not by fire-breathing bulls but by the long march of troops across silty plains. It was as if they were trying to sow an army in reverse, in the hope that dragons would rise.
--

and

2.[a chua family genealogy part x, where 2
My mother's not so good at winning hearts. She did, however, win the hearts of the people who mattered: my father (without whom I would not be here) and my father's family. Sometimes I have a hunch they like their daughters-in-law better than their sons. She's the one who calls my paternal grandparents "Ma" and "Pa" and deposits food on their plates at the dinner table. She's the one who calls us together for dinner. When we go out to eat, she's the one who signs the checks and foots the bills.

I used to be disappointed that she never cooked, let alone set foot in the kitchen, but in the whole grand food-centred family scheme of things, it's the eating and the feeding that count. Never mind that her fingers never held the knife used to chop up the chicken and marinade it in sauce. Never mind that she's never picked up the pan or the wok or the ladle. She doesn't cook, she feeds. Cooking's not the only way of loving us.

My mother's got a cautious, risk-averse personality. She doesn't like roller-coasters or long plane rides. She's quiet when she needs to be, and outspoken when she needs to be. Sometimes she fades into the woodwork, even when she's in charge, so that it seems like she isn't really there.

My earliest memory is of my mother being not-there. I'd woken up early one weekday morning, toddled out of the room, and burst into tears because my mother had already left for work. From first grade to twelfth grade, I can safely say my mother attended all of two parent-teacher meetings - and that was because I'd begged her to.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll grow up to be my mother.
Sometimes she's my role model.
--
3.
[another atlantis poem] (working title)

Tall guards stand vigil in their fortresses
sharpening their spears, while through the mist
the moon slips to the sea. The young queen dreams
of kisses in her sleep, mouth twitching
in nameless terror.

By her bed, doctors debate
an arsenal of drugs: praxil, taxol, fluoexetine. Scars
the size and shape of islands, needle-tracks like canals
spatter her skin. A bleakly sobbing mother
renews a heartfelt plea.

Her body's citadel, that tragic kingdom,
betrayed by those inside. On the dark screen
as they unlock the gates
and let the water in
the red line levels like a rising tide.

posted by Grace Chua at 3:43 AM

 
[three pieces]

[one, with spoilers]
today I watched The Return (Vozvrashcheniye) with Adeline and Tessa. it was beautiful, stately, lyrical. three pieces of stellar acting that melded into a cohesive whole.

I don't do reviews well. I never know what to include or leave out. But this film left all the right questions unanswered. What was in their father's box? where has he been for the past twelve years? Why has he come back?

While Ivan topped any Haley Joel Osment performance, my heart was with Andrey - as an older sibling, I could identify with Andrey's caught-between-parent-and-rebellious-younger-brother torment. as a supporting actor he was flawless - always understated, never trying to outshine the younger lead. and right at the end his character was fleshed out so much more, because hidden traits always emerge under duress - Vladimir Garin's Andrey was really given a chance to shine. Morbid art-reflects-life movie trivia: shortly after filming wrapped, 15-year-old Garin drowned in the same lake where many of the movie's scenes were filmed.

[two: Chua family genealogy: an excerpt]
disclaimer: I categorise this as fiction. Some of it is true. The rest is my imagination.

There is a Chinese saying that women hold up half the sky. In my family, women held up more than half the sky. They held up the sun, moon, stars, clouds, rain; kites flown by small children on open patches of grassland; aeroplanes careening wildly about the great blue yonder; flocks of migratory birds in their mysterious orbits following the earth's magnetic ley-lines. They cooked, cleaned, raised children, planned, organised, were promoted, rose to the top of massive multinational organisations, lived, laughed, loved, died.

The Chua family men were no good-for-nothings themselves. You'd expect them to be laggards and drunkards, but they were smart, tough-talking, fast. They were playboys, preachers, businessmen, doctors. Some held two jobs to feed six kids. But the women they married and the daughters they bore were a force to be reckoned with.

My great-grandfather, the originator of this dynasty of dynamic women, was a wealthy merchant by name of Lim. He ran a thriving shipping business, importing and exporting goods from all over the world. He had pineapple plantations in Thailand, oil and rubber plantations in Malaysia. And he had eight wives. As if one was not shrill or strident enough. As if to show off his spending power, because each wife would need rooms and rooms in the family mansion at Amoy Street, silks from Guangzhou and Shanghai, western finery from the countries he visited, servants, and other frippery to amuse themselves with. But each and every one of those multiple matriarchs raised her children, helped to manage the family business, ran ragged an army of amahs and maidservants, and between them divided the spoils of my great-grandfather's business, with the biggest prize of all the favour of my great-grandad himself...

[three: rant]
something puja and I were talking about: only in Singapore do you find people who don't know their mother tongue and are proud of it. i've run into so many young Singaporeans who aren't the slightest bit ashamed of being effectively monolingual. we make jokes about it - if you're from such and such a school, you pretty much don't know any Chinese, and probably came close to failing the Chinese O-levels... i know enough Chinese and Hokkien to get by, but i still feel like i don't know enough, and i'm ashamed of that fact.

in countries like the US or the UK, people tell you you're so lucky to know more than one language; to have started learning your mother tongue so young. some of my friends from school are in Beijing right now, spending a summer learning Mandarin for sheer love of the language. we take so much for granted.

posted by Grace Chua at 9:56 AM

 
various discussions left me wondering. You can take the Singaporean out of Singapore but not the Singapore out of the Singaporean, but I still feel foreign:

Just because I'm not part of the 80 % that live in government housing, does that make me any less of a proper Singaporean? Am I missing out on some part of the vital Singapore experience by not living in a high-rise flat? Perhaps. Do I contribute any less to the country? Am I any less of a citizen? No, but I'm very often made to feel that way.

This morning I heard a cabby chide an ethnic-Chinese colleague for writing for an English newspaper instead of a Chinese newspaper. As if the English-language press thought itself in some way superior to the Chinese-language, Malay-language or Tamil-language press. In Australia they call this "tall poppy syndrome" - where if you achieve too much, other people drag you down and cut you down to size.

I miss Dartmouth. I study in a place where you can be anything you want. It's an insulated little bubble, all right, but even beyond the bubble, I feel like it's less homogenous and maybe less judgmental than the place I call home.

I want to laugh at all the silly Singaporeans who complain about the new influx of immigrants from China, for instance; the Singaporeans who say that it's not a 'real' victory that Li Jiawei won a medal at the Commonwealth Games because she's imported from China, that we should use homegrown athletes. And who do they think they are? Being three generations removed from immigrants themselves gives them no such right to criticise a new wave of immigrants.

Of course there are things I don't like about this country. Dynastic succession being one of them; a pat handover from prime minister to prime minister (the third since 1959, only) with no election before 2007. I respect the current senior minister for what he's done for this country, but I don't believe in or approve of the personality cult surrounding him. I don't believe that any leader should ever have that sort of personality cult or aura around him, because leadership is less about the leader than his policies and the people he serves.

And yet...I don't think I could just move away like Puja wants to, for instance. I'd want to work elsewhere for a time, but I'd want to come back. And on the other hand, I've only been away a year, and I've never felt more foreign - in my own country. What will happen when I have to come back for good?

posted by Grace Chua at 11:31 AM

 
From the Straits Times:
DPM's pledge on role of Malay

Language is a strong link to culture and heritage as well as to Singapore's nearest neighbours, and will be promoted

By Azrin Asmani

DEPUTY Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong gave a firm commitment yesterday that the Government will promote the use of the Malay language as he underlined the importance of grooming a 'bicultural' elite to engage Singapore's two closest neighbours: Malaysia and Indonesia.

He spoke in Malay as he spelt out how mastery of the language would build a strong bridge to 'access our heritage, culture and identity, and bolster our confidence as a people'.
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It will also boost regional ties as they deepen with Asean economic cooperation.

'Knowing Malay will become more important in helping us understand our neighbours, get along with them and build firmer ties,' he told about 400 people at the launch of the Malay Language Month, held once every two years.

In stressing the importance of learning the mother tongue, he noted that more Malay families were speaking English at home.

He said the bilingualism policy, a cornerstone of Singapore's education system, is insistent on its goal 'to encourage each Malay student to study Malay in school for as long as possible and to as high a level as he is capable of'.

Various programmes to accommodate different abilities have been introduced as a result and the method of teaching refined too. Community support will also encourage Malays to use the language more widely, he said.

He told reporters afterwards of the need for a 'bicultural' elite in the Malay/Muslim community.

'It is very necessary to have Singaporeans who are also plugged into the region to understand their culture, and understand their language. We are South-east Asian, and this is our environment and there are many opportunities in South-east Asia,' he said.

Because of this, the Government is also encouraging Chinese to take up Malay as a third language, he added.

However, external influences such as pop culture, TV programmes, blockbuster movies, and even the Internet, have increased people's exposure to English.

As a result, there is a need to 'double our efforts' to keep mother tongue alive, he said.

A quarter of Malay pupils in Primary 1 now come from English-speaking homes, up from a fifth four years ago.

Among schemes to help students and promote the learning of Malay are the B Syllabus for weaker students and Higher Malay and the Malay Language Elective Programme for those who are good at it.

Parents were urged to encourage their children to participate in these schemes.

This year's Malay Language Month targets Malays from all walks of life, particularly youths.

A total of 46 Malay groups and grassroots organisations are involved and their activities include language forums, debates and an Amazing Race-style language quiz to be held in East Coast Park.

Said DPM Lee of the language month: 'Events like this, which promote the use of mother tongues in Singapore, reflect the strong desire of the communities to retain the use of their ethnic languages. I am deeply encouraged by this.'
---

DPM Lee was also speaking partly in response to academic Lily Zubaidah Rahim's claim that Malays in Singapore were marginalised because of their inability to speak Mandarin. While her claims are not without flaws,
DPM doesn't seem to have responded to Rahim's accusation.

Furthermore, over and above this talk about a bicultural Malay elite, there is far more buzz about a bicultural Chinese elite, able to communicate with the business movers and shakers and cognoscenti in up-and-coming China. Nearly every day you see something in the news about China's growing economy, the importance of being culturally in sync with Beijing and Shanghai, etc. And when job listings explicitly state "Bilingual in Mandarin and English - non-Mandarin speakers need not apply", is it any wonder Malays feel marginalised?

And what's it like on the ground? One 34-year-old Malay woman I talked to has been out of a job since January. She has nearly eight years of experience as a secretary, but had to leave when her contract with the Building and Construction Authority ended at the end of last year. When she went to CDCs to get help finding employment, all the jobs were for Mandarin speakers only. She says that it didn't use to be that way, that before this push towards China there were more jobs for non-Mandarin speakers.

So a bicultural Malay elite, able to relate to Malaysia and Indonesia, may be politically significant and necessary. But when all the jobs go to Mandarin speakers, is promoting Malay language and culture economically sustainable and useful to individuals?

posted by Grace Chua at 8:41 PM

 
INSIGHT
Will extreme makeover fix Sentosa's image problem?
SENTOSA'S extreme makeover will be a thing to watch.


Hopes are that, along with the Southern Islands around it, the island Singaporeans love to underestimate will emerge from its decade-long surgery to much ooh-ing and aah-ing.

The sheer amount of money involved is already a talking point. Sentosa's facelift and contouring will cost $6 billion, with additions of a yachting marina, a rail artery from the HarbourFront area to the island, as well as a $24 million water-and-laser show to play nightly in the works.

Another $1 billion will go towards developing the Southern Islands, where a white-sand beach, 170-room beachfront hotel, a 70-unit chalet resort and a 290-room hilltop hotel are being planned.

'The mass planning committee has already approved the three resorts and chalet,' revealed Mrs Pamelia Lee, managing director of the Southern Islands Development. 'It could be ready for land sale very quickly, as land reclamation there is already 98 per cent completed.'

Several accommodation groups, including Banyan Tree hotels and resorts, have been invited to develop properties there, although nothing has been confirmed.

The revised annual target for the islands after 2012, when work is completed, is eight million visitors annually, to pump up the annual revenue from its current $190 million to $900 million.

But the bricks, mortar and countless man-hours invested may not be enough. Beneath this massive undertaking to reposition the islands lies a deeper problem that money alone will not solve.

Before it can be a Singapore idol, it must face the harshest panel of judges: Singaporeans themselves.

Industry insiders say it must overcome decades of prejudice among deeply unimpressed citizens, some of whom possibly still associate it with school excursions to see scary wax figures in the Surrender Chamber.

If more of them are seduced by Sentosa's appeal, then more will take or recommend their foreign visitors to see the island.

As it is, travel agents and promoters interviewed say they would rather show off the Night Safari, Chinatown, Little India, Boat Quay or Mohamed Sultan before getting visitors to spend a day on Sentosa.

The island currently racks up more than four million tourist visits from locals and foreigners annually, each group accounting for half the number.

Mr Darrell Metzger, chief executive of the Sentosa Leisure Group, has had to deal with that conundrum when he was appointed to helm developments.

'Half of the island was catering to locals and half to tourists. So which two million people do you want to give up? The answer is, you don't want to give up two million people, so you have to continue to appeal to both markets.'

If developments were starting from scratch, marketing efforts could be skewed towards either the foreign or local market. But, he points out, 'it's too late'.

'When you have two million of each, they all spend money.'

The most immediate and elegant solution was to woo Singaporeans because 'you can reach them quicker, you can give them nice beaches that they will like and they will enjoy'.

Rather than compete with Bali or Phuket, his mission was to attract Singaporeans first, then their visitors. Sentosa's attractions would then tempt them to extend their stays.

'Sentosa is not like Bali, we're not intending it to be that way, and we're not selling it that way,' he said. 'We will become the second destination. We offer the option for families to stay on the island, and whoever has business is 15 minutes away from Suntec or the business district.'

Mr Metzger can also say, with conviction, that theme-park roller-coasters and parades of life-sized cartoon characters can go only so far.

He should know. In his past, he played a key role setting up Tokyo Disneyland, and witnessed first-hand the fierce criticism of Euro Disneyland during that tenure. He was also chief executive officer of both Hawaii's Atlantis Adventures and Hong Kong's Ocean Park - water parks that did not quite spout success.

They have given him invaluable experience that now puts him in the perfect position to say this: 'Last year, we had 4.2 million visitors here - and that's with Sars - they spent $200 million on this island. What other resorts can you tell me would consider that a failure?'

Nonetheless, he realises there is a crusade ahead: 'We have an image problem that we have to overcome. The image was that there wasn't much to do. A lot of people were here in the early 1990s, and they haven't been back!

'We have to get them back first. We can't just change the image through advertising and marketing. Our image was that we were expensive, so we lowered our prices. Our image was that we were inaccessible, so we dealt with that by allowing drive-in traffic with only $2 parking... it's tougher to change an image than to create a new image.'

Perhaps, Sentosa's repositioning isn't a marketing issue but a geographical one after all - it needs to move out of Singaporeans' heads and into their hearts.

posted by Grace Chua at 11:17 PM

 
[taking stock]
"The older you get, the stronger the wind gets - and it's always in your face." - Pablo Picasso

one more post from Hanover, New Hampshire.

first the straight details:
I get home at midnight on June 12th on UA 881, 'midnight' being the margin, the witching hour, between June 12th and June 13th.
There is a barbecue at Loyang Terrace 7 holiday chalet on either the 14th or the 15th of June. If you are in Singapore at the time, you know me personally, and you comment on this post indicating that you would like to come (and WHEN - which day is better for you?), you are invited. Do let me know by the 13th, though.
I will be in Beijing from the 22nd to the 26th of June, unfortunately, juuuust missing all the CAP reunions and activities - sorry guys!
I will also be working at The New Paper from the 28th of June to the 3rd of September (I may stop work a little early) - I'm excited about that.
And lastly, I'm coming back to the US on the 6th of September, spending two weeks hiking the Long Trail in Vermont with my friends Naomi and Deana, and starting school. I will be at school for a whole year because of the sophomore summer-term requirement (ask me and I'll explain). Plans after that are as far up in the air as that castle on a cloud you just saw drifting by...look over that way...

Spring term's over. Freshman year's over. People are moving out, going home or away for the summer, and I feel like one very long camp is coming to an end. Like I've been living in two completely different worlds (and never the twain shall meet, for no one has yet visited me up here except Ange, darn you all). Despite all my powers of observation and vocabulary I haven't yet been able to describe Hanover to Singaporean friends or Singapore to Dartmouth friends. I feel like two separate lives are lapping at my heels from either side, turning the ground to quicksand beneath my feet, each side trying to drag me under. In one life I dream of the other, and vice versa, never quite able to stay put in one place.

I haven't been able to hold on to friends, either. Over the years - well - I've made plenty of friends, and I get along with just about anyone, but somehow they always manage to slip out of my reach save for a core of people very close to me. That's just my style.

Speaking of style, my writing instinct has left me. Gone kaput. Disappeared. Gone AWOL. My muse is sitting on the beach in Bermuda, probably, wearing a bikini and sipping a pina colada (she's a straight female and consequently isn't interested in me; also, she probably attracts more boys than I've ever been able to.) It's my worst freaking nightmare: I've literally woken up unable to write. I've literally been very upset with everything I had to write this term for my creative writing class. Or even this year. Tropes like worn-out slippers (the only thing left after the spontaneous combustion of their owner in front of the fireplace), you know, nothing original, just an endless and horrible succession of substandard and utterly and entirely worthless work. Six years writing, and flipping nothing to show for it (flipping nothing, that is, except the odd invisible prata - thank you Carrick for the CAP '98 memories). Some days I want to burn it all, drown myself like Millais' Ophelia, and start life over in an octopus' garden in the shade. Darling it's better down where it's wetter, under the sea...

In sum, this year's been a net negative. Isn't that lovely. I may be happier but it's a dull, sheepish kind of happy.

In the meantime, well, I've been reading Gravity's Rainbow again, and letting it seep into the colours of my day. I'll talk to you when I come home.

posted by Grace Chua at 5:39 PM

 
I'm trying to decide what to do with/ feed Allison for the short span of time she's in Singapore. Suggestions please. PS she has a little trouble with anything too spicy, food-wise.

posted by Grace Chua at 7:09 AM